or, Why It's Probably Better For the Sake of the World That Sasha Isn't a Travel Writer
So in my last post I mentioned that I was about to jet off to Peru, like the well-travelled, cosmopolitan young woman I clearly am. I am happy to report that all went well, and I returned approximately two weeks ago still possessing the same number of limbs with which I left. (Of course, it took me two weeks to post this because in addition to being well-travelled and cosmopolitan, I am also incredibly absent-minded while on summer vacation.) I met up with my Lovely Sister after she finished her semester abroad in Chile, and we took Peru by storm. Well, by plane, technically. And train. And feet.
However, I’m fully aware that the whole shebang with every photo taken and every thought thought is only going to be interesting to about five people, two of whom were on the trip, and the other three of whom are related to me. Thus, rather than giving you beautiful pictures of scenery with informative captions, or typing up the trip journal which I never actually wrote in the first place, I’m going to try my hand at a little Lonely Planet-style travel guidebook-ing.
Well, you know. In my own peculiar idiom. Also with pictures. (There was going to be my adaptation of the Katy Perry song “Hot ‘n Cold,” since it seemed particularly appropriate — especially the bits about being up and then down, given all the mountains — but this ended up being slightly longer than I anticipated.)
Note: Somewhere in all this, there is an essay to be written about the way the tourism industry combines with classism, racism and the service industry. This is not that essay. If you want that essay, however, there are several classes at Wesleyan you should definitely take.
Tips For Travelers: When going to a foreign country without parents who are in charge of payment-related activities, bring your debit card. No matter how good the rate of exchange is, you will still most likely run out of money before the end of the trip.
Lima
I know nothing about Lima. I spent approximately eight hours there, nearly all of which were divided between the hotel (where I spent my time sleeping) and the airport (where I spent my time wishing I were asleep). Lovely Sister wasn’t a huge fan, but then again, she didn’t have my delightful company to liven things up.
Cusco/Cuzco/Qusqo/etc.
Please note that I’m not talking about the dude from the Emperor’s New Groove, even in his Camelid form:
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| I'm a big fan of llamas. [Photo from The Emperor's New Groove, via llama.org] |
- Tips For Travelers: Stay awake on the flight from Lima to Cusco. You're not going to want to miss the sight of the clouds giving way to the taller mountains, like a fluffy white sea crashing against a pointy brown shore.
- Cusco is a beautiful city, and by all the rules of travel guidebook-ing I should have some historical information for you about it, but despite wandering into a few museums and architectural sites, most of that stuff kind of slipped away. I can tell you that it was built a long time ago by the people known as the Inca, who are apparently really supposed to be known as the Quechua (which is their name for themselves; Inca actually means ‘king’ in their language), but the issue is that if you mention the Quechuan Empire nobody actually knows what you’re talking about.
- Anyway, the Inca/Quechua were really good with rocks, mountains, and building things with rocks on mountains. (Cusco is technically in a valley, but that doesn’t mean quite as much when the valley is, according to Wikipedia, about 3,400 meters above sea level. For comparison, Middletown, CT is 12 meters above sea level.) They were also big fans of stairs. This will become more relevant later.
- Tips For Travelers: Given all that stuff I mentioned just now about how the entire country of Peru is about a bajillion meters above sea level, you’re probably going to want to invest in something to help you get used to the altitude. Coca tea helps, and trust me, you will find it everywhere. It also provides a bit of a thrill if you’re the sort to get excited about legally consuming things that are illegal in the US. It will not, however, provide any sort of thrill if you’re drinking it in an attempt to get high. Sorry, kiddos.
Because everyone can use a visual reference to what tea looks like. - Things To Do In Cusco: - Spin around, point vaguely upwards in a random direction, and ask your travelling companions what they see. If the answer isn’t “mountains,” your companions probably need to check their eyesight.
- - Architectural sites, museums, blah blah blah. I dig ruins, there’s just not much to say about them. However, if you do happen to visit some of the nearby sites, I would of course definitely not encourage you to climb on the ruins. That is strictly prohibited. And very fun.
However, you are allowed to slide down this giant rock. - -Shop. Somewhere out there, a sweater that may or may not be made out of alpaca wool (emphasis on the ‘not’) is waiting for you to haggle for the privilege of taking it home.
- -Walk around and take ridiculous photos of yourself and your traveling companion in front of awesome landmarks. This is clearly the most important thing to do when you’re traveling, no matter where you go.
This isn't the most ridiculous; it's just one of the least unattractive. - Tips For Travelers: If you go to Peru and don’t speak Spanish, life will be about ten thousand times easier for you if you go with someone who does. This is half the reason why I keep Lovely Sister around.
- Things To Do In Cusco That You Won’t Want To Do But Will Probably Have To: -Spend a ridiculous amount of time waiting in line to get things like second day Macchu Picchu tickets or your Boleto Turistico, which lets you get into certain sites and museums (although not the best ones, which is clearly purposeful) without paying ridiculous amounts of money.
- -Remind yourself not to pet the ten million stray dogs all around the city because they probably have fleas, no matter how cute they are.
- -Spend a lot of time politely refusing people who will walk up to you on the street and offer to sell you sunglasses, paintings, massages, crafts, horse tours of architectural sites, or photos of you with a baby alpaca.
- Tips For Travelers: The most useful words in Spanish you can learn to say are “No, gracias,” and you will say them more often than you say anything else on the trip. Sure, traveling is all about saying YES to opportunity… but not every opportunity.
- Things To Eat In Cusco: If you manage to get through Cusco without eating a slice of pizza, it will be very impressive, given that pretty much every single restaurant advertises it. There are also several other local specialties, like guinea pig and alpaca, which on many menus will be listed under “Traditional Food.” All of the items under “Traditional Food” will cost about five times more than everything else on the menu. A cheap meal is not hard to find. Cheap alpaca, however, is — although nothing is impossible.
Things To Drink In Cusco: Your life will be tragic if you leave without having a really good pisco sour. (It’s legal for under-21's, too — see my earlier comment about cheap thrills.) One should be enough, though — the drinks they make are strong.
If Lovely Sister managed to find it, you can, too. 
When in Cusco, drink as the Cuscovians drink? - Machu Picchu/Aguas Calientes
- Aguas Calientes is a town built around a train station, near the foot of Machu Picchu mountain. There’s an artisan market, because those things seem to pop up spontaneously anywhere there is a large enough profusion of tourists, and a bunch of hotels. There may be other places to go, but let’s face it: really, the only Things To Do In Machu Picchu/Aguas Calientes are to wander around the ruins and go climb yourself some mountains.
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| Viva el Peru! |
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| Few things feel quite as awesome as beating a mountain. |
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| Same mountain, different angle. |
There are other things I could say, but I've spent a while writing this and you've spent a while reading this, if you're still here, and so it's probably for the best if I just wrap this all up with a bunch of pictures of llamas and alpacas.
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| FLUFFY |
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| FLUFFY |
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| They're just very big reggae fans, okay... |
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| IT'S ONLY RESTING. |
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