RAPIDFIRE REVIEWS, April 16-May 4

So okay, I meant to keep doing the book review thing and then I got distracted. Who is surprised? Not me. Anyway, I have read several books since then! So I figured I might as well put a bunch of them in a post together.

What have I read since The Start of Me and You?

Half Bad, by Sally Green
Verdict: WOW FEELINGS, this worldbuilding does a lot with a little and I had such a hard time finishing this but at the same time I found it so impossible to put down — such terrible things are done to Nathan but I needed to see it through until the end. I really like Nathan as a narrator and main character; some of the other characters call him simple, and he's functionally illiterate, but that doesn't mean he's not still very smart. I don't usually gush over first-person pov, but in this case I don't think it could have been written any other way, and I liked Nathan's thought patterns.

Half Wild, by Sally Green
Verdict: God, ducklings, I just really like Nathan. I love him. I love Gabriel. I like Nathan's complicated relationship with his father and I may have screamed a little over Gabriel's passionate but undemanding devotion? I would like them to actually have a little bit of peace in their lives. Do not read this book unless you can handle a ton of violence and an interminable wait for the sequel, because the last chapter comes like the freaking asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, which is to say: fast and catastrophic.

The Start of Me and You

I'm making this new resolution to start writing about books that I read after I finish them, although god knows how long that resolution will last given A) the sheer quantity of books that I go through these days and B) how hard it sometimes is for me to convince myself to do anything, even the really low-effort stuff, how it sometimes feels like I have all the time in the world but absolutely no time at all to do anything of worth, but I finished this book three and a half hours ago and I'm still feeling a little wobbly so I figure it's worth an exorcism or two. Probably.

Not in a bad way. I liked this book a lot.

The summary:

It’s been a year since it happened—when Paige Hancock’s first boyfriend died in an accident. After shutting out the world for a year, Paige is finally ready for a second chance at high school . . . and she has a plan. First: Get her old crush, Ryan Chase, to date her—the perfect way to convince everyone she’s back to normal. Next: Join a club—simple, it’s high school after all. But when Ryan’s sweet, nerdy cousin, Max, moves to town and recruits Paige for the Quiz Bowl team (of all things!) her perfect plan is thrown for a serious loop. Will Paige be able to face her fears and finally open herself up to the life she was meant to live? 

Brimming with heartfelt relationships and authentic high-school dynamics, The Start of Me and You proves that it’s never too late for second chances.

12MoF: This Is The End

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper
September: The One With the Curse
October: The Other One With the Curse
November: The Curse, 3.0
December: One More Curse for the Road
January, better: Whatever, Let's Just Talk About People's Feelings

I meant to start this one earlier, so I could actually finish in February instead of March. I didn't. (But I did start on the last day of February.) I would apologize, ducklings, but I can't actually bring myself to be sorry. There have been a lot more... ups and downs, I suppose, during the past few weeks, and the problem with the up bits is that you feel like you can do lots of things but only a few things seem important, and the problem with the down bits is that you feel like you can't do anything and nothing seems important.

So it's March, now. I think we'll all live.

For this month I wanted to bring us back around to the beginning; I've done a lot of experimenting over the past few months, straying further and further from the original movie, but there were some things in Frozen that I thought could've been more interesting, and I explored them a little in my original posts, but there was always a story it seemed like I had left too late to give the proper attention to. But this is the last month, and even if I've still left it too late, as per usual, this is really the last opportunity.


Also, sidenote, actress/musician Zendaya showed up at the Oscars looking stunning in a white dress and ever since, I keep visualizing her as Elsa, so here, have a pic:

AP Images

And the dreadlocks whipping around in the ice and wind would be AMAZING.

Anyway.

12MoF: Eleven-point-five, or: "Whatever, let's just talk about people's feelings."

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper
September: The One With the Curse
October: The Other One With the Curse
November: The Curse, 3.0
December: One More Curse for the Road
January, part the first: The Eleventh Hour, or, The One Where Anna Has Powers Too

I did realise, somewhere in the middle of those last few paragraphs, that I had a better way to structure my 11th month plot (I would call it my January plot, but let's be real, that one was posted on Feb 1 and my ostensible December story was posted on January 3, so) and that was was as a YA novel.

As it happens, I'm a big fan of YA novels, so maybe that's partially my own comfort zones showing. It could be a miniseries/show, maybe, as long as that show is okay with having a ton of flashbacks. Lost and OUaT level flashbacks.

So this is a rewrite, basically, of eleven-point-zero, aka the mess that I posted on Sunday. I'm not always a perfectionist when it comes to this series, but I really couldn't let that one stand.

12MoF: The Eleventh Hour (...Month)

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper
September: The One With the Curse
October: The Other One With the Curse
November: The Curse, 3.0
December: One More Curse for the Road

It's the eleventh month, guys. Just one more month to go. Lord knows what I'll do after this is done.

Fun fact, guys: this month is a mess. Just. A mess. I don't recommend it. The best I can say is that it has interesting moments and I could probably tighten it up into slightly less of a mess? Maybe I'll try that sometime later.

12MoF: One more curse for the road

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper
September: The One With the Curse
October: The Other One With the Curse
November: The Curse, 3.0

I did, actually, consider writing a non-curse episode this month. (Last month.) Really I did. There was going to be Betrayal, and Daring Escapes, and Other Powers, and Exciting Magic Ice Communication, and all sorts of other exciting things, but I still need a little more time to work the details out on that one. Also, I like curses. Obviously.

12MoF: The Curse, 3.0

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper
September: The One With the Curse
October: The Other One With the Curse

So it turns out I really like curses. WHATEVER. YOU DON'T OWN ME.

Credit where credit is due: like half of this idea is entirely because of my sister, who very kindly let me bounce ideas off her over the course of our entire four-hour bus ride back home and (FOR ONCE) (just kidding) (mostly) was very helpfully like "Yeah, you cooooould do that... or maybe instead you could do this other thing that actually makes sense." THANKS BABE YOU'RE THE BEST.

This month we get The Curse 3: Now With Actual Villains! This is very exciting for all of us, since I am generally reasonably miserable with villains. This is also very exciting because I get to talk about how much the patriarchy sucks; I know you're all obviously looking forward to that.

Will there be more curses in upcoming months? MAYBE. WHATEVER. YOU DON'T OWN ME.

kenneth libbrecht over at snowcrystals.com

12MoF: The Other One With the Curse (aka, rom-com Frozen)

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper
September: The One With the Curse

As you may have noticed, dear readers, I am all about reusing themes from previous months in slightly different ways. Innovation is not the be-all end-all of creativity, here. I mean, I'm not in the "there are only really two stories in the world" camp, because that seems a bit... delusional (I mean, even if you're saying there are only two genres in the world, action and romance, you're missing out on things like the classic literary genre of "white dudes doing exactly nothing and then, presumably, dying eventually," which I have been informed is very important to people who are not me) but many glorious things have come out of people reworking and reinterpreting tropes and story elements with a long, long history behind them.

tl;dr look whatever this just has some stuff in it that didn't make sense in last month's version so I gave it its own month, okay.

[Edit: Okay, I SWEAR I meant to do this before the last day of the month. I started it like a week ago and everything. And yet! Somehow here we are again. Alas.]

[Edit 2: Also, then Halloween happened. Specifically, Halloweentown 2 and the fact that I had to drag myself out to Brooklyn. In case you're curious, although this was planned beforehand, most of it was written on the 2 train, which I guess is one argument for long commutes.]

[Not an edit but just so you know, this is the ROM-COM-IEST THING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN.]

12MoF: The One With the Curse

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears
August: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper

Somewhere outside my room, Roommate A (as opposed to Roommate 1) is talking about falling down the rabbit hole that is the Mexican Revolution. I have no idea what that means.

Anyway! Hurry up and get beneath the cut tag, nerds; this month, we're talking curses.

Picture of ice crystals shamelessly yoinked from Steve Truett's website. But hey, I'm crediting.

12MoF: The One Where Elsa is an Accidental Kidnapper

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two
July: A Wild Kristoff Appears

I am a little late on August. So it goes. In life, we must accept the things we cannot change, ducklings.

Anyway, happy halfway-point to all of us! You for sticking with me, me for... only posting these a little late, I guess. To celebrate, we're going to shake things up. I get bored astonishingly easily for someone who hates change so much. So today, ducklings, we get to talk about how I would write Frozen as a webcomic. With illustrations, even! Well, okay, one illustration and one set of stick figures, but whatever, good enough.

Trailer Trash-Talking

Alternate post title: "I Have a Lot of Feelings About Trailers, Okay, Shut Up"

I saw Guardians of the Galaxy this weekend for the second time, and while I had approximately the same feelings as I did last time, that's not what this post is about, because instead I've been thinking about how they didn't show the trailer for The Giver like they did last time, presumably because it's been released already, and how I was glad about this at first, because that meant that I didn't have to sit through that trailer again, but also a little disappointed, because that meant that I didn't really have as good an excuse to complain about it again.

Then I remembered that I totally don't need an excuse to complain about how much I hate the trailer for The Giver, because whatever, it's my blog, you can leave if you want to.

Warning: do not watch the following trailer unless you want to be spoiled for key aspects of The Giver.



SHUT UP. SHUT UP, TRAILER FOR THE GIVER, I AM MAD AT YOU.

12MoF: A Wild Kristoff Appears

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.
June: I Go It Old School, Take Two

We've gone through a third of 12MoF thus far (a third! halle-frickin'-lujah), and this whole time, I have stubbornly refused to include Kristoff. If by "stubborn" we mean "he was pretty extraneous to the plots I was writing, and also I don't feel any particular sense of regret about this," anyway. But no matter, because this state of affairs ends today!

Interestingly, in a certain sense, this month's offering — very abruptly made up because the two other versions I was working on weren't cohering in time — is actually very similar to certain things about Frozen that I was ambivalent about the first time. Heavy on the Anna+Kristoff action, ambiguous Elsa, trolls... This is just a different spin on those things.

But I drew the line at making Kristoff a cis/straight dude, because screw that.

And because I was having a conversation about this just now: for the record, the reason why the last two 12MoFs have featured a central queer romance, and the reason why I'm planning to have multiple trans Kristoffs, is because the central thesis of this entire project is "working within certain limitations, how could I remake the elements of this story in order to make it work better for me?" And writing an outline for a kid's movie that features LGBTQIetc. characters works better for me than writing yet another cishet romance. Because when I was a kid, if I had seen a movie aimed at me where a girl fell in love with another girl, I would've watched and re-watched that VHS until it died a grueling electronic death.

This is a selfish project at heart. As with most things that I release into the world, it's just a selfish project that I hope other people will like.

12MoF: I go it old school, take two

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT
May: The One Where The Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.

Short post this month, ducklings, because I am sick and don't want to think too much.

12MoF: The One Where the Snow Queen Isn't Elsa. Also, Lesbians.

Previously on 12 Months of Frozen:
Prologue
March: The One Where Elsa and Anna Send a Lot of Letters
April: The One Where Elsa is the Snowman NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT

Shh, this totally still counts as May. At least, I came up with it in May. Okay, so technically speaking I came up with the idea on June 1, but hey, I was with my family and then I was exhausted and on a bus and then I started working nights for this ushering thing, so. SHH. TOTALLY COUNTS AS MAY.

We're going a little more old school this month. If the first month was a producer's edit — tightening the vocals, dropping a useless chorus, adjusting the bass — and the second month was a cover, then this month is more like a mash-up. And specifically, mashing it up with an older version of the tale of the Snow Queen, where we've got heart-hardening shards of ice and kidnapping, except then I mixed in sisters and bad parenting and kissing. I can do this because the older story and Frozen are still in the same key, which is the key of epic quests and love fights all. Also, I ditched Frozen's chorus of heterosexuality.

Possibly this music analogy got a little out of hand somewhere.

On a different note, I think I’m beginning to understand how and why the writers of Frozen over-villained the story, though. When you’re plotting out one of these things, it starts to get really easy to think, “But is this too boring? Let’s put some more action in there,” until you’ve crowded the story so much that none of the characters have room to breathe. I keep worrying about not being compelling enough. This is why scripts for big blockbusters theoretically go through an editing process, though.

On another different note, this month we have illustrations! Two of them, to be precise.

Whoops

Okay, the May 12 Months of Frozen is... not going to happen before May is over, because I am a garbage person living a garbage life, and also because I'm away with the fam. Mostly the garbage person thing, though. SORRY GUYS. There will just be two in June to make up for it.

Upfront and Judgmental: CW Edition

So the CW only has four new shows for the 2014-2015 season, and they only have trailers for two of them. Uncool, CW. Very uncool. I mean, sure, I'm capable of feeling intrigued or skeptical based solely on a synopsis, but it's just not the same as having these brief little snippets of the finished product.

Granted, since both the non-trailer-ed shows are midseason shows that, based on their descriptions, are probably going to be fairly effects-heavy, they might not actually have much of a finished product yet. Alas. I suppose I can understand this reasoning, even if it takes away like 50% of my fun. But hey, at least the trailer for The Flash is out!

Plus, because there are fewer trailers to go through, that means that I can go ahead and start with the 30-second promo trailer that started getting me really psyched for this show in the first place.



The Flash
BARRY ALLEN, YOU ADORABLE RIDICULOUS SHOW-OFF OF A HUMAN BEING.

...Yeah, that's about it. I never started watching Arrow because it seemed a little self-serious, but LOOK AT THIS GLEEFUL DORK. LOOK AT OLIVER ROLLING HIS EYES. Can any show with a promo like that take itself or its hero completely seriously?

I still hate the costume, though. It doesn't look very flexible or speedy, the chin strap is ridiculous, and the parts with a loose fit make Grant Gustin look even twiggier than normal.

Upfront and Judgmental: CBS Edition

Yes, it's silly to judge a show based on its pilot, much less its 3-minute upfronts reel. And yet, I get bored easily. (Honestly, these trailers aren't entirely helping. CBS takes itself so seriously, man.)

Let's get to it, ducklings.

Extant
I'm so curious about this title, honestly. Extant as in... currently existing? That's very SAT-prep of them. As opposed to extinct, I guess? Mostly it just makes me think of extinct mutants or something.

Also, between this and the new Rosemary's Baby, I guess this is just the summer for creepy pregnancy stories. (Specifically, stories about women of color being violated for horror purposes. Um. I'm not super in favor of this trend.) Which, like — I like Halle Berry, and I like spaceships, and I like robots, and I like mysterious stories about whether we're alone in the universe or not, but I am also immediately skeeved by anything involving: creepy pregnancy; rape/hella dubious consent; creepy children, whether they're robots or not; spouses who seem to know more than they're telling.

The trailer is edited well, but pretty much everything contained within the trailer is suggesting to me that this show has a greater-than-decent chance of being a catastrophe.

Upfront and Judgmental: ABC Edition

You're in luck today, ducklings, because ABC's fall schedule is absolutely the most interesting (insane? interesting? same thing, right?) of any of the Big 4. Also, has the most actors of color. Todd VanDerWerff actually wrote an article about how ABC seems to be hoping diversity will shore up its falling ratings; god knows if they were inspired by the success of FOX's "diversity initiative" or if they realised that maybe Scandal is popular for more reasons than just sexy backstabbing drama, but whatever, I'm here for it. Also, I'm willing to give them good press and good buzz for it if that makes it more likely that other networks will follow suit.

("Crap, our ratings are awful. Maybe we should try making shows that... aren't just about white people? Look, I know it sounds crazy, but it just might work!")

Previously: FOX and NBC.

How to Get Away With Murder

Look, guys, it's Dean Thomas from the Harry Potter movies! Also Bennett the prison guard from Orange is the New Black, but I care about that less than I care about Dean Thomas: Adorable Dork and Potential Moral Center to Viola Davis's Stunning Genius Calculating Lawyer-Professor. (Although if this is anything like Scandal, I wouldn't bet on any one character's sense of right or wrong lasting unscathed for more than half a season.) (Also: was that three seconds of Canon Queer Characters?!)

It looks like an unholy fusion of a legal drama and a university show, which ought to be great for Shonda because she can mine both the criminal aspects and dubious ethics of the former as well as the political maneuvering and young-adults-having-screwed-up-young-adult-drama of the latter. Also, apparently there's going to be a dead body? My bet's on that being a bait-and-switch, although even if it is: guys, take a forensic anthropology class. It takes way higher temperatures than that to burn a body.

Anyway, I'm here for it — as long as I can take it, at least. I had to quit out of Scandal in the middle of the third season, and not just because I hated Fitz so much. I have to give props, though; Thursday night is going to be the Night of Shonda, which is both impressive and pretty amazing.

Upfront and Judgmental: FOX Edition

Where I watch the upfronts trailers so you... well, I was going to say "so you don't have to," but come on. If you don't watch the trailers for the new fall shows, how will you begin the elaborate process of narrowing down which shows you're going to put on your increasingly complex personal TV viewing schedule for the 2014-2015 season? It's a matter of personal responsibility.

I watch the upfronts trailers so we can judge them together and all make informed decisions. There we go.

Gotham
SURPRISINGLY INTRIGUED BY THIS TRAILER. Like, I haven't been entirely sure how to feel about Gotham; academically speaking, it's a little weird, given that most cop shows tend to be ideologically reassuring. There's typically this unspoken idea of "Hey, they caught the bad guy. The world's a little better." It... indirectly reproduces faith in the system by showing the success of the system, I guess? Even if the system is just represented by rogue cops. I mean, there are exceptions — Miami Vice actually tended to be very aware of the fact that sometimes your efforts don't matter, because another crime lord, another drug runner, will just step up to fill the void — but there's, I don't know, sort of an idea of working towards a better world, and with Gotham we know from the beginning that things are only going to get worse. Sort of like when you're watching Oedipus Rex and you know that this shit isn't going to go well for him.

So purely for those reasons, I've been curious about its eventual form, but this trailer was actually pretty great. (JADA PINKETT SMITH AS FISH MOONEY. TINY CATWOMAN. GIVE ME.) I'll definitely be on my couch in the fall, ready to pass more judgment then.

Upfront and Judgmental: NBC Edition

Ducklings, I don't like to think of myself as a judgmental person.

But really, who am I kidding. I daydream about being part of a company that goes up to networks and showrunners and yells at them about what they're doing wrong. I'm a judgmental little ball of sparkles and intersectional feminism. So when upfronts happen and all the trailers for all the new fall shows come out, well. It's hard to resist.

State of Affairs
I just. Okay, someone clearly thought to themselves "Hey, Scandal and Homeland have made White House dramas sexy again, let's run with that shit!" and then they put Katherine Heigl in the lead role. I guess there's a chance that this could be interesting and not just a hilariously overblown and unconvincing piece of nonsense, but let's be real, there were only a few actually intriguing and non-derivative bits to that trailer, and they were A) Alfre Woodard as the President, and B) those ten seconds where they're talking about wanting to kill everyone responsible for the death of Alfre Woodard's son/Katherine Heigl's fiancé.

I don't know, I just really like ladies bonding over violent urges and a shared desire for vengeance. Maybe that's just me.